December 16, 2007
post-dreaming reality
I was thinking today about how, after a decade or two working for a living, one reaches what I call the “Post-Dreaming Reality”.
Every kid wants to be a rock star one day, in whatever industry she chooses to call her own.
One day I’ll be a filmmaker! One day I’ll be a famous artist! One day I’ll be a CEO! One day I’ll be a Creative Director! One day I’ll be a Venture Capitalist! And so forth.
Then you get to a certain age and you realize that the time for “One Day” is over. You’re either doing it, or you’re not. And if you’re not, a feeling of bitter disappointment starts hitting you deep into the marrow. Which explains why we all know so many people in their 30s and 40s having mid-life crisis’.
The other day, someone fifteen years younger than me asked me what I wanted to be “One Day”.
I answered, “Doing exactly what I’m doing now, just with more money. And if the money doesn’t come, well, that’s a shame, but it’s not the end of the world, either.“
No more dreaming of “One Day”. I am here and now. This is it. I can highly recommend it. But I had to kill a lot of dreams, a lot of beautiful dreams, in order to get there.
[Apropos:] Bruce Lynn’s “The Death of Dreams”.
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Yep, I blogged on precisely this subject just a few weeks ago in my posting ‘The Death of Dreams’ — http://brucelynnblog.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!B5C035B7809F740A!273.entry — which also just happens to feaure a Gaping Void cartoon.
Hope the clear air in Cumbria is blowing out the cobwebs.
Good observation.
What I like is the idea that this is “our” time. Look around at politicians, businesspeople, celebs, etc. Our generation has arrived, is having an impact and it is our turn to run things.
Dreams were the fuel that got us here, but you can only do so many things with a life, and many of the important things probably seemed too mundane to dream about anyway (love, kids, gardening, helping others, etc).
You’re doing fine
Sounds dangerously like middle aged bourgeois complacency — the warm and snug embrace of i’m allright jack — dementia and slippers will follow all too soon
Thought provoking Mr Mac… if one is so busy dreaming about tomorrow and what might be, one never truly lives today…and if today aint too good, then some decisions and changes need to be made that only oneself can make… xx Hope all well up in the “frozen land”
“middle aged bourgeois complacency — the warm and snug embrace of i’m allright jack…“
Nick, this is the blogosphere. What else did you expect?
There’s another wordd for post-dreaming: death. Until then, dream another dream.
Being present in the here and now is a thousand times more difficult than making snarky comments. My hat’s off to you, Hugh.
Some people aren’t getting what you said, but I do.
Beautifully put.
This post really struck a chord with me. I recognize that realization that the time for ‘One Day’ is over, but I’ll substitute pleasant relief for the feeling of bitter disappointment.
I think because dreams (big or small) can in the way of the reality of who are and in my case obscure my thinking.
An Alexander Technique guy I once went to tried to explain about ‘being present in the moment’ rather than the mind being elsewhere, and rather belatedly I’m starting to see what he meant.
I know what you are saying, but I am having the exact reverse of an internal battle. I have noticed that the dreams of 20 years ago have died or have been killed…but at 41 I am inspired to recapture those ideal dreams of the 21 year old me. I want to feel that untested and trusting passion that I can achieve anything. I know I many not get all my goals, but I want to feel the internal lust for my future that I had 20 years ago.
The trick here is to find out how to ignite that little pilot light inside me somewhere and turn it back into an inferno.
It is not bad to be content where you are…but I don’t want to feel content.…I want to feel that crazy way about life that I did when I was younger. There must be a way to feel like that again if one desires that.
I get “dreams die quickly or kill slowly”, but I don’t understand the “etc.” part.
you’ve followed your instincts hugh and it’s worked out!
most people never do that. it’s a great feeling. congratulations!
I’ll disagree, Hugh — just a wee little bit.
Because I believe in the ‘Rebirth of Dreams’.
Yes, many childhood ones have come true, and I’m living the life I want and like.
And still, there’s a bit more I aspire to be/reach/achieve ‘One Day…‘
So I dip and spike between ‘middle age crises’ and ‘juvenile day-dreaming’ with wanton randomness — it’s fun, exciting and inspiring.
Try it
All success
Dr.Mani
“I am here and now”… Hugh, pick up the book “The Peaceful Warrior” if you have time — you either purposely or inadvertently extracted one of the most powerful messages from its pages.
Hugh, I don’t really agree that dreams will vanish if you reach a certain age. I think one should try till the brain dies. Never give up.
PS : Also Vitamin B12 is a must these days.
We have a poem in Urdu which was written in the 18th century and I think the poet is talking about his mid life crisis. What to do when you realise that this is it. The verses go something like this ” There are thousands of wishes that I have and each wish seems like I am going to die if I don’t get this. A lot of my wishes were fulfilled but so many remain still.”
I like Nick’s comment. It’s just as cute now is at was twenty-five years ago when I was saying it and didn’t know what I was talking about…
It hit me when I was 17 and realised I was never going to be a champion ice skater — not that I’d ever wanted to be one, but the realisation that I’d ‘left it too late’ shocked me to the core.
I never knew what I ‘wanted to be’ one day. Honestly, I simply wasn’t a day dreamer. Maybe I’m an idiot or a pragmatist. Or maybe I’m just content. Lucky me.
I sure as hell aren’t as creative as you, so maybe disappointment is the kick up the arse people need. Lucky you.
Hugh:
I’ll argue with you.
Henry Ford started mass producing the Model T when he was in his mid-forties.
Ray Kroc started franchising McDonald’s hamburgers when he was 63 years old.
Colonel Sanders was flat-broke, living on social security and deep in his sixties when he started Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Warren Buffett is 78 years old. He really didn’t start making the big bucks until he was in his late forties. The last few years have been his best.
I personally know a man that was fired from a “lifetime” job when he was 51 years old. He has built a successful manufacturing business in the last 18 years and has a net worth of $300 million.
Now that I think about it, I don’t know of anyone that has built a substantial net worth that is under the age of 50. Frankly, most of us don’t get our shit together until we are well past 40. We are all still learning about life, business, etc.
You are being way too hard on yourself.
The “One Day” is the day you buy either a family sedan or a mini-van.
Then you have to find yourself some new dreams.
Does the ‘doing it’ have to do with making $, because I’m still doing it, even if it doesn’t produce income. No regrets and full of dreams. This is the way to live life, on that steadfast path of following your heart, but of course, “one day” is like “one love,” you’re either in it everyday or you’re not, it’s actually the most important relationship of your life … enjoy it, Hugh.
I’m all over that. Truly. I’m here, right now. Don’t mean I’ve stopped striving or dreaming; it’s more that I’m open to serendipity and I’m doing, acting, making things happen that I can make happen. From Kipling’s If: “If you can dream — and not make dreams your master; If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;” (http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm).
familiar thoughts that spring naturally from every artist who has followed their heart. Seems like the natural cycle (you’re in a 12 step process, my friend!). Inherently, art has no agenda, no metrics and if one wants to add “make money” to the mix of inspiration, then it works as long as the art doesn’t lose its original heart.
Honestly Hugh, I think you’ve positioned yourself nicely into a financially viable art form and we will take you out there bringing wonder and bending perspectives in corporate america/europe. Silicon Valley brainstorm tour in late Jan/Feb for starters? –Kris
I’m currently trapped in a complacent cycle, with my trapping largely due to money and choice. Almost every day I think to myself: “Some day I’ll be doing something I really enjoy.” I’m somewhat young so my “one day” is far enough off that this isn’t a lie yet.
I’m always reassured when I hear of people who are living their “one day.” I’m glad you’ve found yours and that you’re cool with it. It gives me hope.
I used to think this way. In fact, at the age of 24, I thought I’d reached the point of “Post-Dreaming Reality”. I got my engineering degree, I was employed at a large and stodgy engineering firm, and my dreams of being a musician “someday” were over. At least, so I thought.
Fast-forward to age 29. A few layoffs, career changes, interstate moves, and crazy coincidences later, I found myself joining an amateur music club. Just a few old fogies getting together every two months to play music for each other. The old fogies liked me; they thought I had talent. Next thing I knew, I was performing at a music festival and getting invited to all sorts of other festivals. I now play 3 or 4 festivals a year, compose, perform, record, and basically do all the things I’d dreamed about way back when. I am 31. My second CD is coming out in January. The first CD is selling quite nicely, thank you.
I will never again decide that I am too old to live my dreams. In fact, I have decided that I am finally old enough to ignore what the world is telling me and do whatever the hell I want.
I think the key is being able to suss out the “why” behind your dreams, rather than taking them at face value.
So, you wanna be a rock star. Why?
Once you pin down that it’s the money and glamor, you’ll realize there are several ways to get that besides slinging an ax on stage. The same thing goes if the “why” is creating and sharing music.
For me, it was being a writer. But I always seemed to picture that as meaning “a famous writer like Stephen King,” or “a respected literary giant like Hemingway.“
But I found that understanding the “why” of my dreams has made me realize that it wasn’t the “rock star” part of being a writer (or the novel-writing part, or the name recognition part) that was so important, as what I thought I was going to get by virtue of being a writer — making a living by being paid for being creative with words, being able to live on my own terms, being eccentric and accepted for it, and, yes, some of the mojo that comes from being able to say, “I’m a writer,” when someone asks what I do. ;-P
In the end, I don’t write books (or at least, not my own, and not yet). I do copywriting, ghostwriting, blogging, editing and so on, and am enjoying the hell out of it.
And yes, I do make a living (not rich, but enough to get by), cultivate my eccentricities, get up at the crack of 11am if I feel like it, write in my jammies and get to tell everyone I’m a writer.
On the flip side, by not simply chasing after my first vision of my dream, I didn’t face years of painful rejections (if you can write even halfway decent web copy, you can start work almost immediately for people who can’t) or a lifetime of sweating my heart, soul and blood onto a page only to have people tear it down (hey, it’s just web copy). I don’t have to do grueling book tours and show up at signing where no one comes (ouchie). I deal in 2 – 3 week turnarounds for many projects, not 2 – 3 year publishing cycles. I’ve never had to decipher royalty statements. And best of all, I never have to try to live off of the not-so-hot income that the majority of novel writers make.
I’ve done this with other dreams as well, with equally successful results. As a result, I’m living, if not the life of my wildest dreams, per se, at least a life that resembles my work-a-day dreams to a very close degree.
Knowing the why has really helps you prioritize what you want and find alternate ways to get that, that don’t include built-in ageism or timelines, near-certain failure rates, innate or expensively-acquired talents, lucky genetic dice rolls or geographic requirements.
So dream away, I say! Just be sure you know *why* you’re dreaming what you’re dreaming, in case your Plan A for getting there doesn’t work out.
Life is good.
you are amazing
“I am here and now”… Hugh, pick up the book “The Peaceful Warrior” if you have time — you either purposely or inadvertently extracted one of the most powerful messages from its pages.
Rock on. I just turned 40 and it’s nice to finally know what I’m going to be when I grow up. And you know, it’s pretty good. Oh, I can give you a list 50 items long as to why it’s not satisfactory, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not really, really good.
A friend of mine once said: “You know, I have approved of very little that has happened to me in my life, yet my life keeps getting better and better.”
I loved this post. Killing dreams is sad, but necessary for a happy future.
Unrealized dreams die quickly, or kill slowly. Be wise when allowing yourself a dream and patient in it’s pursuit…