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[Work that hot turtleneck action!]

inner demons

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When I was in Paris last month one of the people I enjoyed hanging out with was Kris Hoet, who works for Microsoft’s Windows Live.
Here’s a wee 10-minute interview I did with him.
[Key Question we talked about:] Why isn’t Windows Live considered “Web 2.0″ by the Web 2.0 crowd?
Is that Nature or Nurture? You decide.

seth godin’s gravestone

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[Seth Godin]

four women

[“trouble”]

January 9, 2007

MacYawn

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Everyone’s been getting all excited about Apple’s new “iPhone”, but somehow I just can’t be bothered.
I feel much the same way about my new MacBook Pro laptop, which I’ve had since November. The most interesting thing so far has been opening the cardboard box it came in. Since then it’s been all downhill.
Though to be fair, one can never get too excited about good package design.…
[Note to Stylist:] The guy who can look good in a turtleneck hasn’t been born.
[UPDATE:] A fairly informal reaction from Nokia.

love reaches into far deeper places than trust ever could

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As I’ve been mentioning for a while now, Stormhoek is launching a new series of cartoon wine labels, designed by myself.
We’re launching our first label at the end of this month, with a Valentine-related theme [the image above is not it, I’ll let y’all see it closer to the date etc]. It’ll be going into Tesco’s, the UK’s largest supermarket chain.
All very exciting. Two points:
1. Roadtrip
There will be a noteworthy promotion. Not being the type of folk to sit on our bottoms all day and wait for the results to magically happen elsewhere, we’re going on the road. Namely, I’m going on the road.
Think of it as a bit like a book tour. Except instead of visiting bookstores, I shall be visiting Tesco stores. And instead of signing books, I shall be signing this new commemorative edition of Stormhoek lithographs that I’m currently working on, to any shopper who wants one.
I am hoping to recruit Colin Kennedy of Get Your People fame to accompany me, as traveling companion, assistant, and the guy who holds the camera & mike during podcasts. We’re meeting next week or so to discuss.
We kick off the tour circa February 1st, and hope to visit 50 Tesco’s stores by Valentine’s Day. It’ll be busy, that’s for sure.
2. Love
We’re not just launching the new cartoon series around Valentine’s Day just for the usual holiday-promo reasons. Like I said earlier, in this brave new world of ours, LOVE is, or should be, at the center of marketing. My buddy, Tara Hunt once famously said that “Trust is the new currency”. A nice thought, but I disagree. Love is where it’s at. Love reaches into far deeper places than Trust ever could.
Of course, I don’t just mean romantic, sexual love. I mean human connection. “Agape”. If you don’t have that, like Saint Paul once said, you have nothing.
And why do people drink wine together? The same reason people write and read blogs. Connection. Human connection. That means “Love” on some level, whether you care to admit it or not.
Music may be food of love, but wine is the drink. Welcome to the heart of Stormhoek marketing.
We live in interesting times.

January 8, 2007

scoble & co. interview bill gates

[Video Podcast:] My friend, Robert Scoble and some other tech bloggers interview Bill Gates during his lunchbreak. Interesting stuff.

worth reading

Dennis Howlett does a guest column in ZDNet.

Fellow Enterprise Irregular, blogger and IT/finance consultant Dennis Howlett offers a guest post on the state of business application software, connecting the dots between Erasure, Last.fm, social media, attention, Paris Hilton, James Governor, Jeff Nolan, Oracle, SAP, Freshbooks, thingamy, Eternal Recurrence, Sage, Infor, Larry Ellison and Marc Benioff.

Says Dennis:

In the meantime, I wonder if Oracle’s marketing department is thinking of gaming Ms. Hilton’s assets. After all, ringmaster Larry Ellison has gone awfully quiet of late. The business apps business could do with a new comedian showperson on whom we could lavish attention. I’m tired of Marc Benioff’s hyperbole. And in any event, the idea that Oracle could game Ms Hilton with a one-liner like: ‘Great ass gets a great ride with Oracle seems almost appropriate.

Thingamy gets a wee mention. Nice one, Den.
[Disclosure: I have a small stake in Thingamy.]

blue monster lithograph auction

Microsoft’s Steve Clayton has put 3 of the “Blue Monster” signed lithographs up for charity auction on e-Bay. All proceeds will go to Microsoft’s preferred charity, The NSPCC.

[The auction’s e-Bay link is here.] The record for a gapingvoid print on e-Bay is around $170 for one of the Techcrunch party prints from last August. It’ll be interesting to see what happens to this one etc.
Any MS employees or whoever reading this, please feel free to spread the word, Thanks.

tfolm blog

After publishing his “Future of Learning Manifesto” and getting a lot of feedback on it, Christian Long went ahead and created a new blog around the same subject, appropriately entitled “The Future of Learning Manifesto”.
What a great idea. Godspeed, Christian!
[Manifesto submission guidelines are here.] [Manifesto archive is here.]

the thingamy manifesto

Well done to Sig, for writing The Thingamy Manifesto, which is all to do with a new generation of enterprise software he’s working on i.e. Thingamy. He also includes a ton of links, pointing to where these ideas are discussed in greater detail.
The manifesto has eleven points. Here’s a taster:

1. The Organisational Hierarchy is kaput — as single purpose executor of the Business Model it requires reorganisation every time you need to get better, an utterly futile exercise most of the time. Replace it.
2. Managing is a waste of time. Leadership I need, getting out of bed in the morning I can do myself.
3. Legacy software models the “way we always did things” — usually a model from the days of paper, quills and desks. Model reality instead.
4. Tree-structures are faulty. “Where it resides” is only two dimensional and suitable only for places. Use tags and any other means to enhance the knowledge and make finding easier.

Thanks, Sig!
[Disclosure: I have a small stake in Thingamy.]
[Manifesto submission guidelines are here.] [Manifesto archive is here.]

January 7, 2007

the future of learning manifesto

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Christian Long wrote “The Future of Learning Manifesto”. Short version:

1. “Playing Small Does Not Serve the World.“
2. What Would Socrates Do?
3. Nobody Cares if You Walked Up Hill Both Ways Barefoot in the Snow.
4. Got Passion? If Not, I’ll Tell You What To Care About.
5. My Memory Is Only As Big As My Heart. Otherwise, I’ll Stick with Google
6. Look it Up or Die.
7. Collaboration Ain’t About Holding Hands. It’s about Going Cool Places Fast.
8. This Will Go Down on Your Permanent Record.
9. It Ain’t About the Technology. It’s About Being Inside the Story.
10. Nobody Knows the Answer. Get Comfy with the Questions.

You can read the entire long version here. Thanks, Christian!
PS: Yeah, I know, the long version is much longer than 500 words, which is the maximum I normally “allow” for the manifestos. Then again, the abridged version he e-mailed was me was well under 500 words, so I thought, what the hell, cut him some slack etc.
[Manifesto submission guidelines are here.] [Manifesto archive is here.]

the super-smart women’s love manifesto

The Super-Smart Women’s Love Manifesto
1. Come here often?
2. You work for Sun Microsystems? Never heard of them.
3. You? Make more money than me? As if.
4. To hell with your mind. Where are the big boobs, tight ass, long blonde hair and cute little giggle? Jeeze, get with the program, Girl.
5. Can I have your phone number anyway?
[Inspired by Nia.]
[Manifesto submission guidelines are here.] [Manifesto archive is here.]

if you ever

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[Bonus Link:] Michael Arrington’s best article for a while [which is saying something, believe me].

sister ray

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As I write this, I am listening to “Sister Ray” by the Velvet Underground.
Thank you, Dave Mackenzie, for first turning me on to this song, back during that magical summer of ours, back in 1984.

[Recent Conversation:]

Friend: I don’t think you can truly understand The Velvet Underground until you’ve lived in New York for at least a year.

Hugh: I’d say the same is true for Charlie Parker.

Funnily enough, I first heard of Charlie Parker, hanging out with Dave in the now-defunct Edinburgh Wine Bar in Hanover Street, back in 1985. While Dave was busy hitting on some girls, I got into a long conversation with this old jazz enthusiast, who enlightened me. I was on a real Coleman Hawkins kick at the time. The rest is history etc.

like wearing chanel

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the healing darkness

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new marketing blog

This is my favorite new blog for a while:

“Art, Advertising, Sex + Technology”

Ummmm.… who does THAT remind you of? Heh.
Thanks, Ariel. Damn glad to meet you etc.
[Another good recent find:] “Waiter Rant”. The title is self-explanitory.

i was speaking to god

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untitled 1516

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untitled 1514

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honey, we need to talk

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i’m not a loser

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January 6, 2007

the overachieving women manifesto

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[This cartoon is one of my old favorites.]
Based on some some thoughts she had after reading my recent post about super-smart women and dating, Nia Andino sent me this one:

Overachieving women and love.
1. No one can tell you how to find a partner. Don’t ask for advice: every case is different and if you listen to other people’s love advice, you’ll end up feeling guilty and confused. This includes this manifesto.
2. This is not the 1950’s. This is not Cinderella. This is the real world and having a partner is like having a car: it has advantages AND disadvantages, and whatever the marketing makes you think, the fact that you want one does not mean you need one.
Now, for women who are already with someone.
3. Ask yourself if you want the rest of your life to be exactly like the last six months. If the asnwer is yes, congratulations. If the answer is no, break up with him today. You are not going to make him change.
4. You have increasing chances of making more money than your partner. Don’t fool yourself: he cares. He hates it. Maybe in a generation, children will get used to the idea that mommies sometimes earn more than daddies. In the meantime, be very discreet and get yourself a pension plan. Your extra money will be invisible that way, and besides, the statistics say you are going to outlive him, so the savings will come him handy in 30 years.

Thanks, Nia!
[Manifesto submission guidelines are here.] [Manifesto archive is here.]
[Bonus Link:] Some very dry humor from John Dodds.

January 4, 2007

it wasn’t

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PS. I sprained my wrist. Very painful. Will be away from keyboard for a while. Please minimize the e-mails for now, thanks.
PPS. Yes, it was worth it.

January 3, 2007

the lawyer’s client manifesto

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[Manifesto submission guidelines are here.] [Manifesto archive is here.]

Thanks to Matthew Homann for this one, which was originally published here:

The Lawyer’s Client Manifesto
1. You have wants. You have needs. Focus on the needs first. Wants are bonus.
2. If you are seeing a lawyer because your dispute is “not about the money, but about the principle of the thing” don’t be surprised if your lawyer runs away. You can never be satisfied. Also, it’s really about the money.
3. Your case/matter is the most important thing happening to you right now. It is not the most important thing happening to your lawyer right now. It may not even be in his top ten.
4. If you think your lawyer is trying to kill your deal, remember this: though there may only be a “one percent” chance your deal will go bad, your lawyer sees that “one percent” over and over again. She’s looking out for you. She cares about you and your business. She also doesn’t want her malpractice premiums to go up.
5. You want to buy results, not time. Most lawyers sell time, not results. Make sure you both understand the difference before your first bill arrives. You will certainly understand the difference after.
6. If you want to find a lawyer who sells results, look hard. There are a few of them out there. They are the ones who can still smile because they get to see their children before 9:00 at night.
7. Big firm lawyers are not more efficient. Or smarter. Or cheaper. They are certainly not cheaper.
8. Make sure your lawyer understands your business. If your lawyer doesn’t understand your business, find out if he’s going to learn about it on his time, or yours.
9. You are your lawyer’s boss. You are not her only boss. She has hundreds of other bosses too. Each one of them thinks their matter is more important than yours.
10. How messy is your lawyer’s desk? When they bill you for thirty minutes of “file review,” how much of that time was spent looking for your file?
11. When you call a lawyer for the first time, how long does it take for him to return your calls? After you hire that lawyer, expect it to take at least three times as long. Same goes for e-mails.
12. Does your lawyer have reputation for being a “bulldog?” That probably means they are an asshole. To everyone.
13. Look for a lawyer with a technology IQ no more than fifty points less than yours. If you live in e-mail and your lawyer doesn’t, learn to like your mail carrier.
14. If you hate your lawyer, fire him. He probably deserves it, and you aren’t getting his best work anyway.
15. You wouldn’t automatically marry the first person you date, so don’t automatically hire the first lawyer you see. A great lawyer-client relationship can last a lifetime. Your lawyer can be your advisor, counselor, confidant, and friend. Find one you like, stick with him or her, and spread the word. Oh, and stop telling lawyer jokes. They aren’t really that funny.

lovemarks, part deux

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On the Saatchi & Saatchi Lovemarks homepage they have a little invite for readers to “Join the community”. Ummmm… Community? What community? [See chart above]
Two years ago I spent a bit of time panning the whole “Lovemarks” idea [e.g. “The Lovemarks-Cluetrain Deathmatch”]. So much so that I heard well-sourced rumors that I was allegedly pissing off some very senior people within the organization etc.
Now I see Kevin Roberts, CEO of Saatchi’s has come up with a sequel: “The Lovemarks Effect”. Fair enough. The first book, “Lovemarks”, was theory. This one, I understand, is more concerned with application.
No, I’m not going to start another anti-Lovemarks meme. Here’s why:
1. Though I might have issues with Saatchi’s advertising-centric execution, basically I think Kevin is right. Yes, in fact, all you need is love after all. That’s pretty much what I said at Le Web 3 last month:

This market and communication transition we’re going through is not about technology, and it sure as hell isn’t about marketing. It’s about Love. Love enabled. Love re-asserting itself in the business between people.

2. I’m not quite so “anti” advertising as I used to be. When all is said and done, advertising is just a subset of marketing. And all marketing is, is finding ways to sell stuff, better than your competition. And nothing wrong with wanting to make a living.
So I was grateful to Edelman’s David Brain for pointing me to a recent video interview of Kevin Roberts, where he talks about how The Love Thing affects what he does for a living, how it affects the future of branding etc. There is food for thought there, certainly.
Note how the official Saatchi’s line is now “We’re an ideas company, not an advertising agency”. Again, I think that is sound thinking. They’ve seen the writing on the wall, and they’re working like hell to evolve away from the big-media-world-domination model they grew up with, and towards something more useful and meaningful. With any luck, they’ll succeed, but only if they can understand “The Porous Membrane” idea, and not fall into the trap of “Bagelnomics”.
As I’m fond of saying, I believe the future of advertising is internal. It’s hard to get the customer to love the company, if the company doesn’t love the company.
Whether big companies like Saatchi’s can evolve fully into this new mindset, or whether they’ll be replaced by younger, hungrier companies that understand it better, only time will tell. But the market for selling isn’t going anywhere soon… and therein lies the opportunity.
[Bonus Link:] From 2 years ago. “Dinosaurspeak”:

gapingvoid is the perfect website to get your daily blogging fix. Filled to the brim with hilarious cartoons, it also offers timely and insightful commentary on the new realities of advertising and marketing. Indeed, some people would say it’s just not the blogosphere without gapingvoid to enhance their quality blogging experience. Start your day the switched on way– subscribe here to get gapingvoid on your RSS feeder today!

it’s not enough

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January 2, 2007

introducing tittin rinde

Tittin, Sigurd’s wife is a wonderful artist. And now she has her own blog.
Besides that, if I had to list the top 12 greatest meals I ever had, I reckon 2 or 3 of them would’ve been sitting at Tittin’s table. Of course, she was helped along a bit by being down in the South of France, where the local fare REALLY IS that good.
Another Global Microbrand in the making, perhaps?

antibes…

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[An aerial photograph of Port Vauban in Antibes, via this post on the Fenderkicker blog.]
Last August I wrote about wanting to spend more time in Antibes. So far that hasn’t happened, but I’m not too worried. It’s all contingent on certain stages of the Thingamy project reaching critical mass.
Sigurd tells me this critical mass is not that far away, so I’m feeling increasingly excited about the prospect of getting down there more often. Especially with it being so dull, cold and rainy here in London all week.
[Bonus Link:] According to Fenderkicker, this yacht’s masts are too tall to go through the Panama Canal, even with the new extension coming in.
[Disclaimer:] Yes, I have a stake in both Thingamy and Fenderkicker. And in suits and wine. Life is good.
[Note to Self:] I wonder if there’s anything else I need to add to my Global Microbrand portfolio?

ok, so what’s the deal…

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…When all you’re trying to do is be a good boyfriend/girlfriend/lover etc, and all the other person seems to want to do is drive you nuts?
Is there’s some kind of “It’s imperative that I drive your nuts” gene that we inherited from the chimps? Were chimps ever that crazy? What’s the deal with that?
Also, a female friend asked me this last night:
Why is it that so many super-smart women invariably insist on being smart in every aspect of their life, EXCEPT when it comes to dating?
“Hi, sorry, but you’re not STUPID or DAMAGED or POVERTY-STRICKEN or INEFFECTUAL enough for me. Get lost.“
Here’s my short answer: Females are generally not encouraged by society to be super-smart, at least, not overtly. And ESPECIALLY not in the techie/geeky super-smart way.
So as a result, by the time these super-smart young girl geeks have grown up to be women, society will have managed to inject them with all sorts of serious self-esteem issues. Which rarely comes in handy in the mate-choosing department.
Just my opinion.

stormhoek makes the national news [again]

Video Clip: Stormhoek makes the Channel 4 Lunchtime news.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from Channel 4 News, one of the big UK national TV news programs. They wanted me to come on the show and talk about the Thresher’s Virus, which was just ending in the run-up to Christmas.
Well, as I was out of town at the time, I couldn’t make it. But Jason over at Stormhoek went in my place. Within an hour a car picked him up at his office in London and drove him over to the TV studio.
It was interesting to watch. The interviewer wanted Jason to talk about whether this kind of viral was either a cynical marketing ploy or corporate screw-up. Jason wanted to talk about “The Power Of Web 2.0″ instead. So watch out for the little tug-of-war happening.
What’s interesting for me is the idea that you can start a blog in relative obscurity, and within 18 months you can be making the national news because of it.
Thanks to Mike Butcher for putting Channel 4 in touch with us.

my bullshit

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how dare you

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January 1, 2007

five things you don’t know about me

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1. I dislike you intensely.
2. I love it when bad things happen to you.
3. When your name is mentioned I immediately try to change the subject.
4. I wouldn’t read your blog if you paid me.
5. If we were trapped on a desert island together I would kill myself.
[Link One.] [Link Two.]

mortality

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Phew. Just got back from my first run in London for years. I did about 15 minutes, carrying 2 kg. weights [which get surprisingly heavy after a while].
My New Year’s resolution is to run every day, and lift free weights twice a week. Let’s see if I can make it to February!
I’m at the age where if one doesn’t do something, one tends to not stick around for very much longer.
I’m supposed to quit smoking this year, also. I’ll believe it when I see it.
When I was up in Glasgow this autumn, some friends of mine went to a funeral. I didn’t know the fellow, but he was only 46 when he keeled over from a fatal heart attack.
The thing is, he wasn’t that much older, or lived that much unhealthier, than a lot of my friends. Let’s just say the sentence before this one was a common conversational thread that day.
Food for thought…

the end-user manifesto