January 6, 2007
the overachieving women manifesto
[This cartoon is one of my old favorites.]
Based on some some thoughts she had after reading my recent post about super-smart women and dating, Nia Andino sent me this one:
Overachieving women and love.
1. No one can tell you how to find a partner. Don’t ask for advice: every case is different and if you listen to other people’s love advice, you’ll end up feeling guilty and confused. This includes this manifesto.
2. This is not the 1950’s. This is not Cinderella. This is the real world and having a partner is like having a car: it has advantages AND disadvantages, and whatever the marketing makes you think, the fact that you want one does not mean you need one.
Now, for women who are already with someone.
3. Ask yourself if you want the rest of your life to be exactly like the last six months. If the asnwer is yes, congratulations. If the answer is no, break up with him today. You are not going to make him change.
4. You have increasing chances of making more money than your partner. Don’t fool yourself: he cares. He hates it. Maybe in a generation, children will get used to the idea that mommies sometimes earn more than daddies. In the meantime, be very discreet and get yourself a pension plan. Your extra money will be invisible that way, and besides, the statistics say you are going to outlive him, so the savings will come him handy in 30 years.
Thanks, Nia!
[Manifesto submission guidelines are here.] [Manifesto archive is here.]
[Bonus Link:] Some very dry humor from John Dodds.
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I would add some advise, from someone who was married, hasn’t been for year, has established a career, and has custody of his kids — I’ve seen relationships from a lot of angles!
1) You aren’t perfect, and neither is she/he. Accept it. If you can’t get beyond this rule, join the Priesthood/become a Nun — you aren’t meant to be with someone.
2) Never forget the person you fell in love with, but accept the fact that they are changing just as you are. That’s what life and experience does to us. Deal with it.
3) Chances are, no matter how smart you think you are, you will only be right half the time. Remember that when you argue — you could very well be wrong.
4) Don’t threaten. It minimizes us both. Feel free to act, but don’t threaten. It’s a waste of both of our time.
5) When times are good, make them DAMN good. Don’t hold back, don’t be reserved, don’t pretend, don’t stifle the passion. Those times might very well carry you through rough times ahead.
6) Respect yourself and you’ll find it a lot easier to respect your partner. Same thing goes for love.
Rob
Thanks for posting it, Hugh!
The link to my site is broken, can that be fixed?
Your cartoon describes what I’ve always thought a fella would consider the perfect woman for marriage…
Nia, thanks. Fixed.
Rob, good stuff. Thanks.
I always tended to go for women as smart as me. As I’m fond of saying [and this as applies as much to women as men], “Everyone needs somewhere to put their brain”.
The first 3 are great. But #4 might be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read in a long time. First off, if your partner can’t stand the idea that you’re making more money than him, what are you still doing with him? Dump his ass, per advice #3. Second, if you’re going to stay with him, you’re going to do it based on a lie — ie “No I don’t make more money than you, honestly, here’s my paycheck, let’s have sex now.“
Great advice.
I love #3 and might print it on little cards and start giving to friends.
Just cause he’s better than the last guy (not on meth) doesn’t mean he’s as good as you deserve.
I’d like to add my two cents. Women, you are only as attractive to the person you are trying to attract if you think you are. Really and truly. I have found time and time again that if I feel ugly, other people will pass over me, but when I feel energized and happy, others come out of woodwork. I found my ex-husband when I was in a depression…by the “ex” you know how that turned out. In contrast, I was just wanting to have a good time at parties and Mardi Gras when I realized how much I liked my current paramour.
I do believe the money issue is a real one, though. Many men blink when I tell them my profession. My ex was unemployed for a significant amount of time when we moved for my career and it was a major source of problems. His father had been the breadwinner of the family and did very well at it. My ex did not cope well with the fact he was dependant on me for all of his toys. In contrast, the man I am dating now is used to his mother making more money than his father and it does not phase him that I paid more in taxes this year than he grossed.
Not all men mind their partner / wife making more than them. In fact, for those of us in public education, it can be a total blessing.
Speaking from personal experience. Once the woman earns significantly more than you she disappears leaving a vapour trail behind.…..
As for number 4, I KNOW it’s bollocks. The fact that my wife earns 50% more than I do is not a problem. This sort of generalization is exactly the sort of thing that feminists have been fighting for years, and Nia shouldn’t allow herself to be prey to it.
Number four is shit. Why the hell should I hide my earnings just because Poor Baby (whomever s/he happens to be) feels bad? To Poor Baby, I say: Work harder, asshole.
I think number four is meant as a joke, folks.
It was a good novel I would like to hear from cause i some Idea of making money