December 29, 2006
the “nobody cares” manifesto
Thanks to Dennis Howlett for this one:
The “Nobody Cares” Manifesto For Accountants
* It’s important to remember debits are on the left and credits on the right — nobody cares. Probably because the system was invented in 1494 and hasn’t changed since.
* We work hard to earn letters behind our names — nobody cares. Importance isn’t derived from academic achievement but what you do for others.
* ROI is an important concept — nobody cares. ROI calculations are something you do when you really don’t want to help your client but to demonstrate to him/her how important you are. For which read 2.
* It’s important to keep good records — nobody cares. Clients aren’t in business to be administrators. If you can’t figure out how to help clients then expect to be outsourced. Probably the day after tomorrow.
* A tidy office implies a tidy mind — nobody cares. A tidy mind is often compartmentalised to the point of tunnel vision. You don’t see tidy at the edge of innovation. Which is where you should be when your clients come up with great ideas.
* Professionals should always wear top quality suits — nobody cares. How you look may be important if your name’s Anina but it sure as heck doesn’t matter when you’re traipsing around a pig farm. You do that occasionally don’t you?
* Your professional status among the community demonstrates integrity — nobody believes you. Professional status is over-rated. Those schmuks from KPMG in court on fraud charges sorted that one out once and for all.
* Adding value is the most important thing you have to do — nobody believes you. Clients can read a 1,000 websites and see that same vacuuous statement. Stuff your website with client stories, preferably written by clients and not some PR outfit.
[gapingvoid manifesto submission guidelines are here.][Manifesto archive is here.]
awesome cartoon! a friend of mine just the other day was complaining that nobody cares… unless their own world is affected.
For some reason, reminds me of an old George Harrison song. It’s about 25 years old I think. Nobody cared then. Nobody will care now.
“Now we like to air condition — though the air has no ozone ring
Still they’re chopping down the forest for McDonalds and the Burger King
Eating cows with such persistance — doesn’t offer much resistance
To this Cockamamie Business
Everybody’s after as many points as they can get
As long as it’s not them that has to pay
No one really minds the Debt
5-Star actors, tax inspectors, film producers and directors
With their Cockamamie Business”
What does the Anina comment mean? Does it mean that looks are important only for women? I don’t get this.
I have to disagree with the ROI thing. If you can’t somehow show your value to your customer, you’re dead (it doesn’t have to be a technical dollars-in vs. dollars-out ROI, but you have to show *something* they can feel, sense, etc.)
A waiter in a restaurant can often deliver better service than my accountant. It’s a matter of how passionate you are about your duties. Actions without love/philosophy mean nothing.
act justly
love tenderly
walk humbly
And not, you’re not important.
Hey guys — I am an accountant by trade so throw the eggs this way.
Bastian — how Anina looks is part of her job. How I look isn’t. I could equally have said Jean-Paul Gautier or Tom Jones, take your pick. I merely pointed to someone with whom I thought Hugh’s audience might identify.
Firas — Hugh will tell you that we spent many an entertaining time duking this one out over here back in autumn 2005. Brother, how I want to agree with you but I cannot. I was in the same place as you back then. ROI is NOT about value. It’s about an arbitrary monetary return on a pre-defined level of capital expenditure. The two are very, very different.
If you want to get all economic with folk then here’s one for you: “Robert Strassmann believes that 70% of the value of capital valued on the public markets is tied up in people. How much value might be released if you let these people speak? How much might you learn? How much might those same people eagerly add value without you asking them simply because you gave them permission to speak? Now — what measures do you want to apply to that?”
I know:- Stormhoek x2 sales in Hey guys — I am an accountant by trade so throw the eggs this way.
Bastian — how Anina looks is part of her job. How I look isn’t. I could equally have said Jean-Paul Gautier or Tom Jones, take your pick. I merely pointed to someone with whom I thought Hugh’s audience might identify.
Firas — Hugh will tell you that we spent many an entertaining time duking this one out over here back in autumn 2005. Brother, how I want to agree with you but I cannot. I was in the same place as you back then. ROI is NOT about value. It’s about an arbitrary monetary return on a pre-defined level of capital expenditure. The two are very, very different.
If you want to get all economic with folk then here’s one for you: “Robert Strassmann believes that 70% of the value of capital valued on the public markets is tied up in people. How much value might be released if you let these people speak? How much might you learn? How much might those same people eagerly add value without you asking them simply because you gave them permission to speak? Now — what measures do you want to apply to that?”
I know:- Stormhoek x2 sales in <1 year. How about the recent Threshers thing? Everyone was a winner there methinks.
Better still, show them 2 slides:
1. traditional view of management = triangle.
2. reality = inverted triangle
Seek comments…then ask them about the value of preserving reputation when they’ve already let the barbarians inside. Duh?
Now if management can’t handle that then tough. It’s already happening — rotting towards the core from the edge. Remember email 10 years ago? A perceived corporate nightmare. Today? Hey — history repeats itself…
Krzystof: trust me, as a former partner I sympathise.
Professionals are important. As servants. The trouble is, ‘we’ don’t quite see it that way a lot of the time. Which is why I do what I do and challlenge those norms.
I will say this: the profession has a very dodgy ethical compass at this point in time. That absolutely has to end. I wrote this ‘manifesto’ as a reaction (thanks for the cartoon Hugh — top class as usual) to what I see as the myopia with which the profession currently seems infected as it stands idly by and watches its influence wither — un-necessarily IMO.
I agree. There’s one thing that should not get in the way of conversation/trade. It’s EGO. And very often being served by professionals I find myself in front of these three letters. Or is it just Edinburgh? Welcome to the city of self.
And yeah, we should challenge those norms. Add value, give more, be customer’s best friend, whatever… words can hardly describe passion. I care because you do.
Happy new year
Ahnyounghasaeyo!
Check this out!
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