January 16, 2006
top ten reasons why nobody reads your blog
TOP TEN REASONS WHY NOBODY READS YOUR BLOG:
1. You’re not a good-looking female who likes posting naked pictures of herself.
Pretty damn obvious, if you ask me. [Not safe for work. You’ve been warned.]
2. There’s nothing in it for them.
Yeah, people really want to spend the short time they’ve been given on this Earth to find out what an unemployed managing consultant dork has to say. Dream on.
3. “Passion & Authority” are just buzzwords to you.
Yeah, I’ve read the Cluetrain as well. So has my pet canary. Get back in line.
4. A secret cabal of A-Listers got together and decided that you should be excluded from the conversation.
Yeah, they sit around sipping champagne, eating caviar and laughing about you.
5. You have nothing to say.
The fact that you haven’t figured this out yet surprises everyone.
6. You’re not The Assimilated Negro.
TAN is smart and funny. You are not. Get over it.
7. You didn’t recently sell your company to AOL for $25 million.
Somehow your eighth-grade English teacher managed to convince you that truth & beauty were more important to people than money & power. And you’ve been paying dearly for it ever since.
8. The very fact that you’re whining about traffic makes people not want to read your blog.
Instead it makes them want to emulate the champagne-swigging A-Listers currently mocking you.
9. You’ve only been writing the damn thing for a week.
And you’re already whinging. See Point Number Eight.
10. The Long Tail is very, very long.
And thanks to folk like you it’s getting EVEN LONGER. Rock on.
[FURTHER READING:] “Top Ten Blogger Lies.”
[BONUS LINK:] Kent has a very different take on things.
Geek News Central 2006-01-20 #138
Nice relaxed show tonight with a little Hawaiian music at the end. Completely back to the normal routine, still fighting a little bit of a cough but hopefully I will get rid of that by the next show. Enjoy the…
Friday notes
If you’re using the Skype 2.0 for Windows, upgrade now to version: 2.0.0.73. (January 19, 2006). Mostly bugfixes, no new features, but should be a bit more stable. Skype Web presence service explained. But you still need to request a…
[whiny voice] Ohwwww. I hate thaaaat. Pleeease — read my blog…
Maybe I should start up a blog traffic program
[insert spam keywords here]
Las 10 mentiras del blogger
… mi limitado dominio del idioma inglés no sólo admite sino que casi ruega cualquier tipo de corrección para esta muy libre y humilde traducción.
Ahora quedan también las “1…
Well, dang, I’m glad I don’t have any of these issues! I do Sonia one better — I post nekid pictures of big pigs on my blog.
So it’s the naked photo’s I’m missing. Damn, and so obvious! Well that and I started my new space today!!!
Other News Worth Noting
How Hackers Collaborate Linux Ad Amazon, The TV Show Branded Phones: Sega to Make Phones Will Buzz Agencies Survive Top Ten Global Trends Per McKinsey Whose Future of Marketing? at Millionaire Socialite Product Placement As Marketing Malfeasance Top 10…
ahahaaaa, all true!
Did you see the peak Sonia received after your link http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7173/1929/1600/server.1.gif
Well done Hugh
Lo mejor de la semana (yIV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (yIV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (yIV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (yIV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (yIV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (y IV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (y IV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (y IV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (y IV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Lo mejor de la semana (y IV)
… ¿Algo que no sepamos?
Great post. A little heavy on the sarcasm, but stuff we all need to hear. I am not the center of the universe, and the sooner I learn it, the better life will get.
Carnival of the Capitalists is Up for 23 January
Patent BaristasPatent Baristas is hosting with outstanding links and analysis. The counsellors at Patent Baristas point us to gapingvoid and top 10 reasons why nobody reads your blog. I like #2: 2. There’s nothing in it for them. Yeah,…
What’s up with bloggers who don’t allow comments? I don’t mean that they screen them first. I am talking about a policy of “no comments” ever.
What is the point of blogging then?
Great!
I think I should get over truth and beauty and start talking about nighttime nude strolls in the woods and huge piles of money… Thanks for the tips 
I don’t get many visitors on my bilingual space… And I only translate the good crap to English and leave the other Dutch shit untranslated. (Some nationalities need more crap than others… 
)
My new goal — get people to read my blog
A few days ago Kathy Serra, author of Creating Passionate Users, one my favorite blogs, mentioned as an aside these two articles about why no one is reading my blog:
Josh Porter’s “In The Blogging World You Don’t Have Sex On The First Date”, and
Hugh’s
Top Ways to Get Everyone To Ixnay the How To Posts
1. Mock them. 2. Point to others that mock them. 3. Embrace head-spinning recursion. Technorati Tags: 5ives, horsepigcow, how+to, hugh macleod…
So just how good are social networks?
Reading people like Seth Godin and Hugh McLeod, in fact pretty much everyone in the ’sphere gives the impression social networks and the market conversation are ‘the business’, so to speak.
The benefits to business continue to be wide…
Social networks test — Day 4
Bot surprisingly, the test (and therefore the Orphanage) had a very average day yesterday. Readership dropped to 15 visits, and not a cent was received in donations for the orphanage. Only four days in though, and as mentioned yesterday we have tracked…
Social networks test — Day 5 & 6
Well, it WAS the weekend, so people were most likely out enjoying themselves. I certainly was…
Traffic all but disappeared, with only three visits to the site for the last two days and not a cracker for the coffers.
We’re not discouraged …
From A-list to Z-list
Etes-vous un blogueur-star ? Une question qui fait rage dans la blogosphère où la notion de classement débarque pour des raisons essentiellement économiques. Aux US, le blog run de Jeremy Pepper sur Daily’s Dog a suscité de nombreux commentaires o…
Seguimos en pie: vivitos y meneándonos
Después de tantos días seguimos en pie. Kaos Klub no pretende ser una especie de blog con actualizaciones diarias y millones de gente esperando ver novedades (lo segundo no estaría mal). Por si alguien se preguntaba si estábamos muertos, siento comuni
Making the A-list, gracefully
Steve Rubel posts about the anniversary of Dale Carnegie’s ode to civility, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Reading the post, which is in essence a summary of Carnegie’s concepts, Steve’s italicised comments make sense for th…