December 18, 2004

happy trolls

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Besi­des com­ment spam, the big­gest irri­ta­tion of having a rela­ti­vely large blog is what I call “The Happy Troll”.
The blog-frequenting Happy Trolls are quite dif­fe­rent ani­mals from the inter­net trolls of 1997. They’re not trying to turn a Martha Ste­wart cha­troom about home-decoration into a foul-mouthed, hos­tile flame-war about whether or not the Holo­caust actually hap­pe­ned. No, their art is far more subtle than that.
Because the blog owner is far more vigi­lant about guar­ding the good karma of his online “space” than a large web­site, the Happy Trolls have to ply their sch­tick via stealth. It’s much more passive-aggressive. Much more cle­verly dis­gui­sed.
Basi­cally, the Happy Troll is hap­piest when he is “shit­ting in your living room” without you actually noti­cing. That’s the art of it. He does this by “adding healthy, help­ful dis­sent to the dis­cus­sion”- at least, that’s what he calls his little turd­pi­les. And he’s hoping that’s how you and your other rea­ders at first glance see them as– a rea­so­na­ble yet dis­sen­ting voice, good for the debate and democ­racy itself yak yak yak.
Sure, his man­ners may be somewhat lac­king, his atti­tude is a bit weird, but because the actual merits of his argu­ment are so valid, rele­vant and well thought out, to delete them surely would be a form of “cen­sorship”? And as a blog­ger, would you not be let­ting your rea­ders and the entire blo­gosphere itself down by being such a petty, ego­cen­tric control-freak?
Ha. I can see you’re already star­ted falling for the Happy Troll’s evil plan. What he’s actually trying to do is make you, the blog owner, feel guilty that he’s pis­sing you off. He wants you to feel wea­ker, basi­cally. It’s a power thing, oddly expres­sed.
Wha­te­ver. I delete these losers’ com­ments, then I ban their IPs. I can smell them a mile away. So they got too may wed­gies at sum­mer camp back in the 70s. Not my pro­blem.
Any­body else have pro­blems with Happy Trolls?

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25 Responses to “happy trolls”

  1. clyde says:

    “Beer and pussy”? Hmmm. Looks like you’re wor­king on a beer com­mer­cial. Knock ‘em dead.

  2. Hugh,
    the whole troll busi­ness is a power thing. it has been in news­groups, it is in web forums and of course its a power thing in blogs — they are just so much more per­so­nal than web forums or news­groups.
    anyhow — bloc­kig trolls ips nor­mally is NOT a good idea, because most peo­ple still use dial-up con­nec­tions. you won’t hurt the troll but ins­tead sur­prise someone else.…
    so please: just delete their non­sense, but don’t ban their ips. (of course, except for cases where the same troll is coming through the same ip regu­larly.)
    WM_THX
    tho­mas woelfer

  3. cynthia says:

    i have at least one such troll and they always follow the exact pat­tern you’ve desc­ri­bed. it’s always imme­dia­tely appa­rent in their tone.

  4. DJ Coffman says:

    I’ve had pro­blems before. I usually just nip them in the butt right away and move on. Its just not worth plea­sing a troll of any kind. The more they stick around, the more psycho their explo­sion will ulti­ma­tely be. Delete and ignore, and even play dumb to it.

  5. Piers Fawkes says:

    this is a test to see if I am a troll — I’ll see if you delete this losers

  6. Dan Irwin says:

    I’m just get­ting into blog­ging (just get­ting MT set up for myself and I’m not quite up and run­ning yet.) Howe­ver, mes­sage boards and news­groups have bred the finest trolls in the world and the best are exactly as you’ve desc­ri­bed. Any idiot can throw a few pro­fa­ni­ties around, it takes a spe­cial kind of troll to seem genuine en face. You’re cer­tainly correct in perma-banning them from your site as they’re nothing but trou­ble — blog world, mes­sage board world, or elsewhere.

  7. Yep, I have had them. One of them called me an arro­gant piker. I have no pro­blem being called arro­gant but what’s a piker? Good luck with your “whack-a-troll”. (It’s like whack-a-mole but..well, you get it.)

  8. Andreas says:

    I sus­pect that a ‘piker’ is meant to be a ‘pikey’, which is a dero­ga­tory expres­sion for an Irish­man and/or Romani. (Which, for our Ame­ri­can friends, is the poli­ti­cally correct expres­sion for a Gypsi. A bit like Inuit and Eskimo)
    I’ll get me coat now.

  9. jimce says:

    Who cares what someone else thinks, F*ck them.
    But then I’m of middle age and I DO NOT CARE THAT MUCH for peo­ple that have uto­pic fan­ta­sies about just about anything except comes­ta­bles of all sorts.
    Burn, booze and food. What else is there?

  10. I’ve had a few on some of the per­so­nal topics I’ve pos­ted on — par­ti­cu­larlly when they have some reli­gious tone to them. I per­so­nally con­front it head on by cha­llen­ging what they’re saying. If it gets to be a pro­blem I gene­rally have a “this is my world, like it or leave it” post and they tend to go away.
    Of course, I’m not as big of a tar­get as you I guess :)

  11. solios says:

    I avoid the pro­blem enti­rely, by having gut­ted all of the com­ment tags out of the tem­pla­tes that spit out my MT posts. Sol­ves the pro­blem– if peo­ple wantr to actually talk to me, rather than ver­bally mas­tur­bate all over what amounts to a public space, they can email me.
    Of course, they don’t, just like I’m not emai­ling you, and pro­bably for the same rea­sons. Nobody res­ponds to email these days, espe­cially from some­body they don’t know. :P Com­ment lea­ving at least ensu­res that some­body will read my thoughts on the mat­ter… which is pro­bably all a Happy Troll really wants. Attention.

  12. kinrowan says:

    Inte­res­ting. If I rea­so­nably disa­gree with your point of view, then I’m a Happy Troll. My com­ments get dele­ted and my IP ban­ned and no one can hear me scream.
    Sounds a little like what Bush and cro­nies do to silence dis­sent — kind of an “if you’re not with us your against us” approach. a little.
    Per­so­nally (at the risk of being bran­ded a troll), I think trolls can be occa­sio­nally use­ful. Mostly, though, they’re just irri­ta­ting, and I think expe­rien­ced web-dwellers just ignore them. I also don’t have a pro­blem with them on my blog (yet), so it’s pro­bably easy for me to talk.… Howe­ver, if it makes you feel bet­ter to ban them then go for it.

  13. cynthia says:

    no, lots of peo­ple ‘rea­so­nably disa­gree’, but a troll uses that to get his foot in the door before going men­tal with per­so­nal attacks. a troll always has the per­so­nal attacks awai­ting just under the sur­face, and tries to create a situa­tion where they can let fly. and the first step is to ‘rea­so­nably disagree.’

  14. Hugh to Happy Trolls:

    “So they got too may wed­gies at sum­mer camp back in the 70s.

  15. Jon Husband says:

    After a cou­ple of years of blog­ging, (I think) I’m sur­pri­sed to find myself agreeing more-or-less with kin­ro­wan above that trolls can be occa­sio­nally use­ful.
    One of the things I’ve noti­ced with blogs that have regu­lar com­mu­ni­ties of com­men­ters is that the online faci­li­ta­tion skills .… the lis­te­ning and “looking-for-the-learning” skills of the blog host … can be very use­ful. Some peo­ple are mas­ters of this, like the Happy Tutor over at Wealth Bon­dage … skill­fully done, res­pon­ding to a troll via accep­tance and a well-wrought ques­tion that turns a troll’s con­tri­bu­tion inside out can lead to use­ful insights, and growth in lear­ning all around — as well as sho­wing the troll’s com­ments for what they are. I think it takes a lot of skill, and patience, howe­ver.
    Just like real life … if we take the time to lis­ten and learn from the obno­xious asshole next to us in the bar (even the one that’s grin-fucking us with his supe­rio­rity), we can find out some inte­res­ting shit … at the very least, about our­sel­ves.
    kin­ro­wan also makes the point that they are almost always igno­red … which is true in my expe­rience, and help­ful. And thus what does wan­ting to keep our own blog neat and clean show us about our­sel­ves ?
    I’ve found trolls a use­ful wall to bounce ideas off of (as in cynthia’s “rea­so­na­ble disa­gree­ment” point above), in order to dee­pen a point .. and clearly, when it beco­mes use­less to do so, one can just stop the fee­ding.
    Jee­bus, hope I’m not being a happytroll.

  16. Brett says:

    Here’s something my friend wrote to a happy troll who came into our group of lyri­cists and tried to battle ever­yone 8-mile style:
    you got your battle tac­tics, noti­ced, and ove­ra­ted,
    fixa­ted, a per­so­na­lity mis­ta­kin, mad tight, and in depth,
    but this aint war, its com­mu­ni­ca­tion…
    so keep your tac­tile pads a fluc­tua­tin
    your ego fuc­ked up… the path youve taken, its brea­kin.
    This dude, com­pli­ca­tin the heart, mani­pu­la­tin the art
    fabri­ca­tin his arch, era­di­ca­tin the spark
    too much mas­tur­bate in the dark…
    the only light i think you see
    reflec­tin off your com­pu­ter screen.
    “yo im tigh­ter than all these here fuc­kers!“
    no, you

  17. campester says:

    without the once-a-year troll and the far more fre­quent com­ment spam, i wouldn’t get any email at all. hello? hello? is anyone there?
    some­ti­mes when i can’t seem to get any radio sta­tions, i just tune into the white noise tur­ned down real low, and soothe myself with the sound. trolls are in some ways like a mind­less wave machine on the night stand. their only down­side is band­width con­sump­tion, which is usually fairly mini­mal. if i ini­tiate a con­ver­sa­tion that gets hijac­ked by trolls, the con­ver­sa­tion was already dead meat.

  18. Happy Trolls

    Hugh has a great post about “The Happy Troll”. I’ve been thin­king about this recently as well and I think he hits the nail on the head. This blog is my living room and if you can’t behave, I’ll…

  19. Happy Trolls????

    Hugh at Gaping­void has writ­ten about a phe­no­mena he desc­ri­bes as “The Happy Troll”:
    “Basi­cally, the Happy Troll is hap­piest when he is “shit­ting in your living room” without you actually noti­cing. That’s the art of it. He does this by “ad…

  20. hugh macleod says:

    I don’t mind “dis­sent” or disa­gree­ment. What I don’t like is bad man­ners, and I’m pretty ruth­less about it.
    Sure, “bad man­ners” is a sub­jec­tive call… but it’s my call to make.
    PS: “Dis­sent”. What a pompous-ass word. Heh.

  21. Beware of Happy Trolls

    Gaping­void has iden­ti­fied a new spe­cies of Troll, which has been clas­si­fied as “The Happy Troll” .

  22. Joel Spolsky says:

    Ha ha! I thought I was the only one with happy trolls. Well, one happy troll. Your defi­ni­tion is per­fect.
    Cynthia put it per­fectly: they use “rea­so­na­ble dis­sent,” they agree with some things, then sud­denly they go men­tal.
    As of last Fri­day, he’s ban­ned.
    Luc­kily our soft­ware has baye­sian fil­te­ring so it can find our young troll as he moves from IP to IP, and it has this neat little trick where the troll con­ti­nues to see his own posts, so he’s not even aware that he has been ban­ned, which redu­ces the chan­ces he’ll be able to run off in one of his pre­dic­ta­ble “cen­sorship” rages.

  23. John Fuller says:

    Crushing dis­sent? You sound like a dic­ta­tor! If nothing else I think you have coi­ned a new term. By the way, anyone have any TP? Sorry about stin­king up the site. I guess I am one of the not so subtle trolls. Muahahaha

  24. Sean Bonner says:

    we’ve got one of these on blogging.la right now, she’s com­men­ting in just about every post and trying really hard to cause problems.

  25. vowe dot net says:

    Lotusphere after­math

    We have retur­ned from Lotusphere yes­ter­day. The tra­vel was une­vent­ful, the bird that took us across the pond was run­ning at 30% capa­city so we had plenty of room to move around. Now I need some time to reco­ver from sleep depri­va­tion; I could cut out ab…